The silent addiction

Addictions are now beginning to take the forefront of societal issues. Most of us can label many types of addictions and most of us know that they derive from shaky upbringings and rocky lifestyles. In the media we now see a lot of advertising campaigns and support programmes to raise awareness about drug addiction, alcoholism and gambling. But there is a silent addiction in our society. It is destroying families left, right and centre, and it is still not socially acknowledged as a maladaptive coping mechanism, developed in response to those shaky upbringings and rocky lifestyles.

Workaholism. We’ve all heard the term “workaholic”. It’s usually a jovial term used in jest towards someone who works excessive hours and constantly worries about the ins and outs of their job, even when their work day and work week have finished. This jovial attitude though, covers up a real and disturbing issue, allowing this damaging addiction to masquerade as an acceptable part of society and martyrdom. There has even been a comedy sitcom made about workaholics. But research (and here, as well as here and this one also) shows that workaholism is a real issue that holds at its core two defining issues. Behavioural issues (such as working excessively) and cognitive issues (such as working compulsively). While workaholism can have some positive connotations, to those of us on the receiving end, it’s pretty much all negative.

WebMD point out that working hard and workaholism are not the same. “"If you're working to the exclusion of your family, your marriage, other relationships, and your life is out of balance, or your physical health is out of balance -- when work takes an exclusive priority to everything else, that's the more extreme end of the spectrum where it becomes a problem," Neuhaus tells WebMD.”

And there it is folks. Workaholism is working to the exclusion of your relationships, disregarding your life and your mental and physical health.

I come from a family of workaholics. I remember my father use to always be at work or involved in something to do with work. We lived right next door to the hatchery that he managed and we had alarms inside the house that went of regularly that meant dad had to up and go immediately. Because work was so close, it seemed he was always there, and when a computer finally entered our home, when he was home, he was on it.
Later on in my childhood my mum got a job after being a stay at home mother for so many years. And she submerged herself into her work for 8 solid years. It seemed that she worked every day, even her days off. She got dad to help her design charts and programmes on the computer for her to do more work at home. When she was home, she talked about work, the people she worked with, the customers she dealt with, the staff she hired and fired, work, work, work. Eight.solid.years!!

And here we are, years down the track, and I ended up with a workaholic. He’s the father of my children, but ultimately, one of the big crunchers that ended our relationship was the fact that work ran every single facet of his life and in turn, our lives. If he managed to get home by finishing time (5pm), it was nothing unusual for him to still be taking phone calls until 9pm at night, sometimes later. More than once he took early morning phone calls from staff and clients as well. When he came home from work he had no time for his kids and even less time for me. Our weekends involved his work, his days off involved his work, even public holidays couldn’t keep him away from work. His physical health deteriorated, his stress levels sky rocketed and the family copped the sharp end of the proverbial stick. His conversation topics were always work related in some way and it was expected that everyone showed the same enthusiasm for his work and he did. Quite frankly, I couldn’t have cared less about his work if I had tried. And I guess that was the clincher. It built resentment from both sides and the rift grew to a gaping chasm until one day I’d had enough, and left. (I mean, it’s only one of the many reasons, but it was a big reason it all went kaput.)

But the end of relationships and the destruction of families is not the worst possible outcome for a workaholic. Quite literally, workaholism can be fatal. Workaholism is growing like a virus and all over the world is it being held responsible for thousands of deaths every year. It is a type of obsessive-compulsive disorder and research shows that workaholism holds its foundations in childhood, with the person often growing up in a family with alcoholics, drug addiction and/or some other kind of family dysfunction such as verbal, physical or sexual abuse.

So why does this damaging addiction continue to troll through our society unnoticed? Because it has been labelled as the “respectable addiction”. Because hard work and working hard are considered virtues in our society and it has been said that the only way to be successful in life is to work harder than the next guy.

So how do we “cure” workaholism? It’s not like alcohol or drugs where you can put yourself into rehab, stop working and vow never to work again, is it? So, what then?

The basic idea is that you replace the work with something that you love equally as much, if not, more. Remove the things that feed your addiction, like your cell phone or computer, and keep them out of bounds outside of normal work hours. After all, the work will still be there upon your return on Monday morning. And then actively engage yourself in something that you really, truly LOVE.
Educating yourself in time management might also be helpful. Schedule your days and ensure you do not overload yourself so that it removes the need to work outside of normal work hours.
Try putting yourself and your relationships first. Ensure your physical health needs are met and that you provide yourself with adequate time to unwind and de-stress so that you can be present with your children and family.

Please don’t let this addiction slip by while your silently tolerate it. Please do not consider it virtuous of your spouse to never be present with you and your children because they are so deeply engaged in their work. Please do not let this addiction destroy your family. Because just like any other addiction, no matter how much of a “respectable addiction” it is, workaholism can and will destroy your life if you leave it to go unattended.